Before you passed

I began to grieve before you passed
From the life that was no longer life
To sleeping fast and free from pain.
They kept on trying to save you
But I must have known all along

And so did you.

September heat unbearable - I was shocked to feel your frailty, your frame so wasted, yet still you struggled on - dutifully, it seemed to me, and half hoping, not willing yourself to heal - you would accept life if it would return, or sleep if it would come.

October's uncertainty swept into the despair of November and December, dark months of windy walks on the cold seashore. You could text me but no longer speak - until you got better, you said. 'I'm sorry not feeling good sleeping a lot i need to recover then I can be seen again so give me some time love your Papa💤😌❤️❤️'

January came and on my seaside walks sometimes the western sun broke sublimely through the darkness.

I sent you photos and videos but you could no longer reply. I listened to Beethoven symphonies that reminded me of you because I knew you loved them too. And then you were gone.

January 2018